I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
