best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
