Your mouth is God's brothel.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
