Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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