Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
