The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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