It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
