see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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