I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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