Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
the raccoons are back...
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