Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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