Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
