I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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