I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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