I'm jealous of your bromance
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
