4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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