Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
