dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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