I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
