Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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