My hand turned me down
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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