she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
