he was CRYING into my vagina
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
