This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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