Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
