You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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