I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
