I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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