I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
