I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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