shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i dont even know how to be here
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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