You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
