First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
