i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
