My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
