Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
this boner is exhausting
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
