if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
