I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
