Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Randomize
