Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
