i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so explain again why im purple
no
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
