I am midnight drunk by noon
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
