Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
