Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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