I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
