Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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