Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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