3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
