Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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