on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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