We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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