Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
