I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
