Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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