Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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