were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
