I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
