You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
